


Earn Your Keep

by CinnamonZor



Series: ShuHaru Week 2019 - A Fool for the Empress [7]
Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Akira definitely has more insecurities than he lets on, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Haru is too amazing to exist, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Late Night Conversations, Nightmares, Post-Canon, Self-Worth Issues, Sharing a Bed, Sleepy Cuddles, So is Akira for that matter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-25 20:35:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20918219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CinnamonZor/pseuds/CinnamonZor
Summary: REEEEEEEALLY belated Day 7 - SupportOne would think that Akira Kurusu was the most confident, self-assured human being on the planet. But as Haru Okumura discovers one night, perhaps it really was only a mask...





	Earn Your Keep

**Author's Note:**

> So funny story... I had to go months without a computer in the middle of writing this and since I couldn't access the OneNote folder it was in that entire time it took like five months to actually finish and post. Let's just say starting college didn't exactly make it easier to work on either. Wasn't just gonna give up, though. I love these floof children too much to abandon mid-fic. Especially with how eager I am to put this Akira headcanon out there. Enjoy this hopefully pleasant surprise!

The sharp elbow to the back managed to shatter the world of unconsciousness surrounding Haru, waking her from an otherwise pleasant sleep. Her reflexes kicked in immediately, launching herself away from the jab and grabbing the offending appendage in a death grip. Her mind conjured the possibility of it being Sugimura, somehow returning with a vengeance in spite of her attempts to sever all ties between them.

But it wasn't her deplorable ex-fiancé who she'd caught mid-elbow. Rather, it was the last person she'd expect to ever bring harm to her whatsoever. Lying to the side of her original sleeping position, flailing and crying out in his sleep, was none other than her loving boyfriend, Akira Kurusu.

She quickly recalled that she was staying over with him during his return to Tokyo for Golden Week and that the two had been cuddling in LeBlanc's attic room until they both fell asleep. She remembered how cute and peaceful the sleepy gaze on his face looked before she nodded off. But gone was his drowsy contentment, instead replaced by a terrified expression that shone through in his eyes as he kept them clamped shut, tossing and turning with the occasional frightened vocalization.

It didn't take Haru long to realize that he was having a nightmare. She'd suffered through them herself every so often concerning her father's death or being trapped with Sugimura for the rest of her life, recognizing her boyfriend's unconscious behavior as nearly identical to that which Makoto had summarized when she had one during a girls' night at her apartment.

Not wanting Akira to suffer any longer, Haru firmly pinned him down by the shoulders, shaking him ever so slightly. When his flailing died down a bit, she attempted to fully restore his consciousness.

"Akira! Akira, wake up!"

His silver eyes shot open and he sharply gasped as he came to. He frantically scanned the area, turning his head to take in his surroundings. He nearly tried to throw Haru off of him before realizing who she was. Seeing her with such a worried look on her face brought Akira back to his senses, settling his muscles and taking a deep breath to calm down.

"Hey, Haru," he chuckled nervously. "Did I wake you up? Sorry about that." As Haru removed her hands from Akira's shoulders and sat up on the bed, she couldn't help but notice the way his eyes were reflecting the moonlight, particularly the glistening traces of liquid near the bottom. A small trail of reflective tears ran off his face, attempting to mask itself within the faint sweat that had formed before he'd awoken.

"There's no need to apologize," Haru informed him. "I'm far more concerned about you at the moment. I know how awful having nightmares can be. And… it normally helps me to talk with someone about them. If you want I'm more than willing to listen."

"Aw," Akira muttered contentedly, reaching up and sleepily running his hand through his girlfriend's hair. "Thanks for the offer, Haru. But I'm fine. Really." Haru leaned into the touch, a somber smile appearing on her lips. It slowly started to fade and droop into a small, concerned frown, unseen to Akira as he lay down beside her.

"…You can't keep doing this."

Akira's hand stopped dead in its tracks in Haru's hair as he opened one eye, looking up at her in worried confusion. "Oh. Sorry. I thought you liked it when I play with your hair."

"No, I do. It's not that," Haru chuckled faintly. She lightly grabbed Akira's wrist and pulled him up to a sitting position, looking him directly in the eyes. "I'm talking about trying to fix everything yourself. Neglecting yourself by hiding your problems and not letting anyone else help you. It just isn't healthy, Akira."

"What are you talking about?" Akira asked worriedly, pulling his feet out from under the covers and sitting cross-legged, listening to Haru intently.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," Haru sighed. "You worked three part-time jobs at once to pay for our weapons by yourself. You volunteered to be captured in Sae-san's Palace when you knew you could easily die if our plan failed. You up and turned yourself in after the Metaverse was destroyed without even telling any of us! And now you're insisting on keeping these nightmares to yourself when they're bad enough that you're screaming and thrashing in your sleep!"

She folded her arms across her chest as her eyes started growing misty. "You were always there for me. For all of us. No matter what we were going through you would always devote your time to making sure we never had to deal with our problems alone. You supported us no matter how stressful or seemingly impossible things got. Without you, there's no telling where any of us would be. So… why do not want us to do the same for you?"

Akira watched her in stunned silence. He had no idea that any of this was causing her so much worry. His stomach began to churn from guilt. He didn't know what to say or do or anything at all for that matter.

And yet… even after he made her feel this way without even considering it… she still wanted to help. Haru cared enough about him to become so noticeably afraid for his wellbeing, even when it was more convenient to let it continue. Maybe, he thought, if anyone would be trustworthy enough to hear him out without indulging his fears, it would be her.

After a few seconds, he swallowed the spit at the back of his throat and spoke up. "I dunno," he replied. "I guess I just don't want to be a burden to everyone."

Haru looked up at him, her concerned expression mixing with evident confusion. "A burden?"

"Yeah," he sighed. "Looking back, I guess I always had this need to be constantly useful to people. Whenever I see someone who's having problems dealing with something, I just sorta reflexively do what I can to help out. Be someone they can turn to when there's no one left. Helping people on such a large scale was my favorite thing about being a Phantom Thief."

Haru placed her hand on top of his, listening intently as her boyfriend continued his admission. "Then… when Shido framed me for assault and I got sent here, all I could think about was how much trouble I caused everyone. Especially my parents. Sojiro refused to let me forget it for the first couple months when I moved in and I guess it kinda stuck with me. This stabbing guilt whenever someone else has to deal with my problems."

"From then on, I decided that I had to just deal with things on my own so others didn't have to. I kept telling myself that it would make everyone happier if they weren't inconvenienced by something I could take care of myself. I realized that people would grow fed up with me if I kept coming to them with problems they didn't need to get involved with. They already have so much to deal with themselves and if I kept adding to the pile, not only would I feel awful for making their already difficult lives harder, but I became afraid that they'd reach the point where they just didn't want anything to do with me anymore."

"So… I tried to be self-sufficient in everything. I studied as hard as I could to get good grades, I practiced making coffee for hours every week so I'd be useful to Sojiro, I accepted whatever responsibility I could as leader of the Phantom Thieves, and when things got most stressful, I reminded myself over and over how useful I was to everyone so I'd keep going."

"Akira," Haru muttered, looking directly into his eyes, "surely you realize how unhealthy that is?"

"Maybe a little," he pondered, turning to Haru with a soothing smile, "but it's not that bad. I've handled it pretty well so far."

"Akira," Haru sighed, squeezing his hand a bit harder, "you know I trust you and your capabilities, but you can't keep doing this. Your dedication to helping others is admirable, but you can't just try to take on multiple people's problems on your own all the time."

"But," the raven-haired boy muttered, "it's perfectly manageable…"

"No it isn't!" Haru argued back. "The only reason you found the time to do as much as you did back while the Phantom Thieves existed was because you regularly neglected your own needs! Were it not for Mona-chan you probably wouldn't have slept for days on end! I said it before, but you have to realize how unhealthy this is, Akira!"

"Haru… I…" Akira felt a twinge of guilt bubbling in his chest. The more Haru worriedly protested, the harder he found it to argue her points. Deep down, he'd always somewhat realized how potentially destructive his self-neglectful habits were. But even so…

"I'm sorry," he sniffed, wiping at his nose with the back of his hand. "But I didn't have a choice. I… I had to… I couldn't burden you guys any more than I had to. You all had to deal with so much for so long and… if I left you with extra stress then I would be no more than a burden to your already difficult lives! Haru, I-" He trailed off for a short bit, his head turning down toward his lap as tears began to escape his eyes and slide down his face.

"…I was afraid that… that no one would want me anymore." He pressed his face into the palm that wasn't currently holding Haru's as he finally began to choke out the thoughts he'd been hiding all this time. "No matter how- how long I stayed or how close I became to- everyone, I just… I just couldn't stop thinking that you'd get sick of me if I stopped being useful! Everyone… everyone just kept telling me that as soon as I got here! The teachers, the police, even…!"

"…Even the twins and Sojiro." Now this morsel of information came as a fair shock to Haru. She'd heard from the others that she'd grown on Boss faster than it'd taken any of them. But to hear that he'd treated Akira as nothing more than a burden just seemed so hard to fathom. Afterall, they'd been treating each other as if they were actually related by the time she'd joined the group.

"That's horrible! How-?!" she began, realizing that the answer to her question had been laid in front of her for the past several minutes. Instead, she settled for squeezing her crying boyfriend's hand and gently trailing her thumb in circular patterns in an attempt to comfort him.

After another minute, Akira's tears finally began to fade. He realized he'd been keeping Haru up just to listen to some insignificant sob story. He took a deep breath in an attempt to calm his composure. She didn't need to hear this. Every minute he kept her up would just put her another minute closer to growing fed up with him. That's how he imagined everyone would respond. He took one more breath and attempted to conclude his thoughts as early as he could.

"Anyway, around the time we brought down Futaba's Palace, I think most of the reminders of my value were done for. Boss started treating me more like he does Futaba than some random nuisance. Even the twins started easing up on me." Akira wiped any tears lingering on his hand on the blanket underneath him and placed it with his other around Haru's own hand. "But they… the voices stuck with me. The lingering shadows of their words just stopped needing to be said. They just kept it going, over and over in my head that I still needed to be useful if I wanted what I had to stay."

"Without my bonds I had nothing. I'd learned by then that unless someone was obligated to help me or I was of use to them in some way, then they'd have no reason to stick around or care about me. If I stopped being useful all the time I'd lose the anchors I'd set for myself. I'd just be stuck on my own as a useless, lonely burden who didn't deserve to know such amazing people. And now I'm just… annoying you too. Keeping my favorite person in the universe up past two in the morning just to vent about some inconsequential fears I didn't have to just dump on you like this."

For a moment, the attic was quiet. The two sat and mulled over the emotional weight that'd just been dumped in between them, trying to figure out where they could possibly go from there.

"…Did you ever consider us to be burdens?" Akira's bloodshot eyes jerked up as he processed the question, staring into Haru's heartbroken expression with one of his own. The knots in his chest squirmed even harder at the thought of dragging her down with him.

"O-Of course not!" He lightly began to cling to Haru's forearm like a koala, lightly brushing the back of her hand against his cheek. "You guys are practically my second family! Especially you! I could never see any of you as burdening me!"

"Then what makes you any different in our eyes?" Haru moved her hand from Akira's arm-cocoon and gently held the side of his face, mirroring the action with her other hand and pressing her forehead against his. "You are one of the most incredible people we've ever met. You're like family to us all as well. Especially to me. None of us would ever dream of abandoning you."

As she continued, Akira couldn't help staring into the woman he loved's undeniably caring eyes as the moonlight reflected in them from the window. "When you were in prison for turning yourself in, you couldn't serve any sort of immediate 'use' to us, but we did everything we could to free you regardless. If we really only saw you as you imagined, then we wouldn't have done everything in our power to bring you back to us."

Akira started to sniffle again as Haru gently wrapped her hands around his upper torso and pulled him into a warm hug. The two smiled through watery eyes at the other's sentiments as they buried their faces in each other's shoulder.

"You don't need to neglect your own needs and comfort for our sakes anymore," Haru consoled, softly moving her hand up and down Akira's back and wiping faint traces of her own tears on the comfy fabric of his sleep t-shirt. "You never did. From the instant I realized I was in love with you, all I ever required was the amazing qualities you provide just by being yourself."

"God," Akira chuckled, nuzzling the side of Haru's head, "we're such nauseating saps sometimes."

"You know we both love it," Haru chuckled back, turning her head to plant a kiss on Akira's tear-stained cheek. "And you know that I'm right. So long as you're comfortable sharing, you don't have to listen to those fears or solve your problems on your own. I'm here to help you through them, and so is everyone else. OK?"

"OK," Akira muttered, sniffling a little. "…I should probably apologize for waking you up, though."

"Akira, we just went over this," the auburn-haired woman chuckled. "You have nothing to apologize for. I want to help you whenever I can, just as you'd want to for me."

"Fair enough," he chuckled back, reaching up to play with Haru's hair again. As he softly ran his fingers through the fluffy mass atop his girlfriend's scalp, he found his anxiety drowning in the waves of comfort and affection he felt from being with Haru. To his knowledge, it was the best existing feeling in the world. As Haru nuzzled her cheek against his neck, he decided to quietly speak up again. "…Thanks again. Guess I really did need this more than I thought."

_I need **you** more than I thought…_

"It's my pleasure, Aki-kun," she yawned, still making no motion to remove herself from their cuddle session. "You'll still have to tell me about those nightmares, though. We can only do so much if you keep them bottled away…"

"Oh fine," he calmly sighed in defeat. "Just not until later. I'm clearly gonna have to play Mona's Advocate or you're gonna end up miserable tomorrow."

Finally no longer able to allow himself to interfere with his girlfriend's need for a decent night's sleep, Akira lightly smiled and tilted Haru sideways onto her pillow. She grumbled a bit at the lessening contact, which Akira couldn't help but find insanely adorable. Ruffling her hair one last time, he pulled the covers back over them and lay down himself, contentedly gazing into Haru's half-lidded eyes as she wound her arms around him once more.

"Sleep tight, Harukuma."

"G'night… Aki-kun…" As she finally nodded off with Akira resting on her shoulder, he found himself once again reveling in the moment: in the coziness and intimacy and how perfect he felt with Haru by his side. In the emotional comfort of his unconditional trust in Haru in addition to the physical comfort of just how snuggly it was resting on her shoulder like a pillow. It was the best feeling in the universe, and he knew wholeheartedly that he would give anything for them both to feel this way forever.

"I…" he muttered sleepily, Haru's even breathing lightly lifting his head up and down and aiding his journey to unconsciousness. "I love you, Haru… No matter what… I love you so much…" His voice trailed off as his eyes fully fluttered shut and his breathing evened, his mind descending into the land of dreams. But unlike before, the nightmares stayed away, smothered in the being of comfort and warmth that was Haru Okumura.

And as he drifted off, Haru's lips eased into a faint smile, muttering softly as a loving tear formed in her unopened eyes.

"I love you too… My dear kitten…"

**Author's Note:**

> And there you have it. Nearly half a year later I have finally finished ShuHaru week! I hope you liked it half as much as I love this freaking ship seriously they're just SO EFFING PRECIOUS I JUST CAN'T EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE MY P5 OTP LIKE FOR REAL-!!
> 
> But I digress.
> 
> Hope everyone's having a great day! I'll hopefully write something else for these two down the line in the midst of my other projects (I'm mostly gonna focus on my Prinxiety series, the Webtoon I'm working on, and whatever other random ideas I find myself typing like a madman when I can get a break from art school work - not that I'm complaining about art school, of course). Until next time, take it easy guys, gals, and nonbinary pals! Have a fantastic existence!!! ^^ <3


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